Teach Your Children the “Whole Truth” About Sex

Today many voices in the world are shouting at us about the meaning of sex-what’s “acceptable,” “normal,” or “cool.” Nowhere is that voice louder, more abundant and “in your face” than when it comes from the media: TV, movies, music, magazines and the Internet. Unfortunately, this version of “sex-ed” is rarely based on logic, reason or scientific facts. The media promoters of illicit sex and pornography present their wares in a way that entices and excites the senses, as opposed to the intellect. And like the Sirens of Greek mythology, they have deceived and lured many into their trap. In fact, the media has become so prevalent and powerful, that many children, teens and young adults look to it as their primary source of sex education.

In this blog/podcast, I want to talk to parents, and anyone else who desires to teach the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth about sex to our young people.

Sexual Intimacy is a Gift

First of all, if our message about sex is “It’s dirty, evil and forbidden-and by the way, save it for someone you really love,” we will never be able to compete with the alluring “let yourself go!” and “if it feels good do it!” messages of Hollywood and pornographers.

Instead, we must teach that sexual intimacy is a precious gift from our Creator. This gift is built right into our very nature as human beings. Sexual intimacy is good; it’s a beautiful gift; it’s intended to be powerful. Each of us is born with this beautiful and glorious gift built in to our bodies-the power to create life-human life and the life of a relationship. As an integral part of this gift, our Creator placed within us powerful feelings, emotions and attractions. This was purposely done to motivate each of us to join together as husband and wife and become “one” in every way. But with this power comes limits and boundaries. Why? Because its use triggers an overwhelming neuro-chemical and biological response in the brain and the rest of the body. Like other natural powers and forces, the responsible “right-use” of this gift brings positive consequences-the joy and fulfillment of an ever-increasing love, intimacy, and “one-ness.” However, like any other power governed by natural laws, it’s “wrong-use” triggers a host of negative consequences. When it comes to human sexuality, the majority of our modern-day media are dead wrong! They’re promoting sexuality in a way that is directly contrary to physical, mental and emotional health, loving family relationships, and overall success and happiness.

Parents have a special stewardship to teach their children how wonderful this sacred gift is. It is not something to be feared or ashamed of, but rather something to bridle and keep in reserve for the right time, place and special person. Much more than just a physical act, sexual intimacy is the ultimate expression of full commitment-“I am fully committed to your growth, happiness, and adding to your value.” Young people today need to know that reserving sexual intimacy for this full commitment is worth the wait; they need to know that it will be one of the most marvelous and fulfilling experiences of their lives.

In essence, we want to present sexuality in such a way that, when faced with the counterfeit offer of pornography and illicit sex, our youth declare, “Why would I settle for this, when I can have that (the joy of a total union and full commitment in marriage)?” When our youth see sex portrayed in the media, we want them to respond, “These people don’t have a clue about what sexual intimacy means, but I do.” As parents, we have a responsibility to clothe the truth as attractively as possible-to combat the glittery wrapping employed by pornographers and the sexual media.

The Purpose for Moral Teachings

When we try to “cram morality down our children’s throats,” they often rebel because they believe we are taking away their freedom of choice. Teach the truth about chastity and morality-these are millennia-tested universal principles of living designed to protect us from the deceptions and pitfalls of the world. Ask your teens if they know anyone at school who has exercised their freedom of choice and started smoking, drinking, taking drugs, looking at porn, or having sex, only to find themselves hooked, pregnant, with an STD; their freedom to choose forfeit. While we can choose our initial behaviors, we cannot choose the consequences. Moral principles are not designed to enslave us, but rather to keep us free, all of our options open. It has been said, “You cannot break universal laws, but only break yourself against them.”

Why do we teach our young people to reserve sexual intimacy only for marriage? Because we know by experience of its enormous power to create immense joy or great misery.

Open Communication

My parents grew up in the 1940s and ’50s. Being of that generation, Mom and Dad never felt comfortable openly discussing sex. So I was left to learn about intimacy from my friends and peers, not the most accurate and desirable source.

Today’s youth have it far worse. The Internet and other media form an extremely vocal and easily available supply of “sex education” in our society. In 2001, Media Scope conducted a poll among middle-school students and found that teens age 13-15 rank entertainment media as the top source of information about sexuality and sexual health. Imagine, Hollywood teaching our teens about sexual intimacy!

As a modern parent, you must overcome your hesitation, awkwardness and embarrassment, and establish open, honest, positive communication with your children regarding sexual issues. This does not mean “pulpit pounding,” “preaching” or “lecturing,” approaches that only create shame and drive your child away from you to other, less desirable sources of information and influence.

 

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Sex In Your Dreams – Understanding Erotic Lucid Dreaming

Many people like to explore their sexuality through their dreams. In today’s society, lucid erotic dreaming is included among the hottest trends. Apparently, there are a lot of different products, guides, books and meditation CDs available in the market that can teach you how to experience sex in your dreams.

In order to really master and perfect the art of erotic dreams you need to know more about this aspect of life.

The Possibility Of Having Intercourse With The Person You Fantasize

It is most possible to learn to lucid dream if your sole intention is to experience a deep form of intimacy with the person whom you ultimately fantasize about. Sex may happen in your dreams, but it will feel so real. Whatever you feel while dreaming are as real as the feelings you have experienced in the real world. This is because all sensations you have felt while living in the real world will serve as memories you will draw from when you lucid dream.

Real Dream Orgasms

Dreaming about sex can give you real orgasms too. In fact, it was even documented that dream orgasms are like real-like climaxes that happen with muscular responses, fast rate of heart beat and change in the vascular tissues. It is like wet dreams experienced by young boys who actually ejaculate in bed because of what they experienced in their reverie.

Erotically Charged Dreams

REM or Rapid Eye Movement sleep is very much biological in nature. Many things happen and occur while a person is in REM sleep; including sensual bodily changes and reactions. Men may have erections while women may have engorgement of their private areas. Such are all normal during sleep and dreams. In lucid dreaming, you are consciously aware of the arousal your body experienced physiologically. The same reactions can also be experienced when you lucid dream about flying.

What You Can Do To Have Sex Dreams

Fantasize. Before you go to sleep, you need to fantasize about the person you really like. You are most likely to have one or two fantasies that you are not able to realize or even share with other people. Such fantasies are ideal to be used when you want to dream of sex.

Watch An Adult Movie. Another way that can condition your mind for an erotically charged dream is by watching an adult film before you sleep. If fantasizing seems a bit difficult, then you can always play some titillating films on your DVD player. Make sure you can clearly hear the moaning sounds made in the movie as these will serve as subliminal messages for triggering your mind to dream about intercourse.

Meditate. When you meditate, you need to ease your mind from any worries and anxieties. The mind should be focused only on having intercourse. Only fantasies should fill up your thoughts; such as your past intimate experiences and also the best bed experience you had.

Pleasure Yourself Prior To Sleep. Right after you have watched an adult film, you feel probably in a hot mood to touch yourself. Do not hesitate to do so and feel free to experience solo pleasure. Not only will this release the heat building up inside your body; it will also condition your mind for an erotic dream.

Let’s Talk About Sex: Reflections on Sexuality Education in the US

I’ve often heard it said that there are only two things in life that are certain; death and taxes. In my life, I’ve had two more revelations. First, change is inevitable. Secondly, if we pay close attention we always find reason to be hopeful, inspiration leading to the next right step and validation that we are living on purpose and doing what we are here to do.

Last night, while watching the movie, Let’s Talk About Sex, I got exactly what I needed. I love when that happens! I woke up grateful, inspired and energetic at a time when I could very easily be discouraged and frustrated.

Before I get too far into this article, let me tell you where I’m coming from. For the past ten years, I’ve been teaching comprehensive sexuality education programs starting in elementary school and continuing into young adulthood. I work with parents to help them better understand teen development and behavior and improve communication with their kids about sexuality and other challenging topics.

I give this movie two thumbs up. I agree with Hugh Jackman, “Whether you have children, teach children or are around children at all… this movie is a must see.” It clearly outlines some key issues that need to be addressed if we are to promote healthy attitudes towards sexuality while reducing teen and unintended pregnancy in the US.

The movie highlights the following issues:

~The United States has the highest teen pregnancy rate in all the developed countries.

~Our attitudes towards teen sexuality in the US are very different than in other developed countries.

~Sexuality is a huge marketing tool; used to sell lots of things in our country and in all types of media. The reality is that sex sells product.

~ Humans are sexual beings. We are all here because an egg met a sperm. Period.

~ Eighty-five percent of adults in the United States support comprehensive sexuality education for our youth. Science clearly proves that it works. And we are not doing it.

~ Religion poses a major barrier in the US to the delivery of what we know to be effective; namely comprehensive sexuality education. At the same time, religious leaders and organizations can play a huge role in providing new solutions to teen pregnancy.

~ Even when teens have honest, open relationships with their parents, most teens aren’t honest with their parents about their sexual activity.

This movie clearly outlines the most pressing issues we are facing in reducing teen pregnancy in the US. It reminds me why I am so passionate about my work and clarifies what we can together to help prevent us from losing more ground.

It is with that in mind that I reflect and share my thoughts about Let’s Talk About Sex.

As an educated woman and health professional, I find it astounding that the US has the highest teen pregnancy rate in all the developed countries. We know what works. We need to be doing it. Now.

I’m amazed that our advertising and media campaigns use sex to sell everything from lipstick to laptops; yet we live in a society where we struggle to providing our kids with accurate information about how their own bodies work and why.

It is ridiculous that 85 percent of US adults in our population support comprehensive sexuality education for our kids, yet we are losing ground on this issue because a small percentage of very verbal and powerful individuals and organizations keep fighting against what we know works, and in fact saves our government billions of dollars every year.

As all this is happening teenagers are continuing to engage in sexual behavior, are naturally curious about sex and/or thinking about sex and are afraid or embarrassed to talk about it openly to the people closest to them.

I spend a significant amount of my time helping teens reconcile the guilt they feel for not being able to talk with their parents about what they’re really thinking, what they’re really curious about and what they’re really doing. Their guilt doesn’t stop them from being sexually active. What they really want is to be able to tell their parents the truth about what they are choosing and why. Some choose to have the conversation. Some choose to wait to talk with them. Often we practice how to initiate the conversation. Some state that they simply can’t for fear their parents will disown them for going against family values.

Perhaps the most important issue of all, as I see it, that seems to beg for so much more attention than we have the time or funding to really address appropriately, but is perhaps the most important issue of all… love, healthy communication and relationship skills. How great would it be to provide a consistent forum and presence to allow kids to get support to help them understand and process all that’s happening to them physically and emotionally and learn how to grow through it with a great understanding of themselves and others as well as an appreciation for the miracle that sexuality is and a foundation for healthy respect and connectedness on all levels.

Lately, I’ve been struggling to identify new funding sources to support this important work that is in jeopardy. My clinic and outreach program is in NH. We have one of the very lowest teen pregnancy rates in the US. We use strategies that are proven effective and endorsed by the National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy and base all our programs on a research-based asset development framework developed by the Search Institute called the 40 Developmental Assets. Rather than having our funding, we should be used as a model for the parts of our country where the teen pregnancy rates are high.

Let’s Talk About Sex did a great job of motivating viewers to take action toward being a part of the solution! As the credits played, I began brainstorming a list of action steps we can take to spread the word and increase the frequency, reach and scope of conversations that need to happen to make the US shift toward better serving our future generation.

Teens in the US need your support. It’s not enough to say you support comprehensive sexuality education. It time to be taking action to be sure your kids are getting it! I suggest the following action steps:

Missing Persons Investigations of a New Age

George Orwell’s novel Nineteen Eighty-Four was first published in 1949. You’d have thought that his vision would no longer be up-to-date 65 years later. The world he described was a world where Big Brother was watching people, constantly seeking information about crime think or any other kind of offence against the glorious super state of Oceania.

Edward Snowden showed us, that what Big Brothers these days are doing is not all that different from what Orwell described. Sure, the technology is quite different from what he had envisioned, but Orwell’s novel is not about science and technology, but about the horrible world where governments might monitor our every move, observe us in our most intimate moments and know about everything we do. Modern day supercomputers, satellites and all sorts of technology make that easily possible for various government agencies.

Yet there is so much information out there that is easily accessible without any spying satellites, supercomputers or without bugging mobile phones. It’s the information millions of users are putting online every day of their own free will, just to get some likes, re-tweets or shares. People tell themselves that they are doing this to stay in touch with each other, but they fail to realize how much of their personal information they are giving away every moment of every day.

With more than half of Australians being active on Facebook, it seems like this would be the most promising social network to start an investigation. The information found on Facebook is truly varied. There are photographs, comments as well as check-ins that give away a person’s current location. Furthermore there is a time stamp on everything, which makes it easy to create a collage of events a person went through at a certain time. No special equipment is needed for all of this with much of it capable of being performed with a simple smart phone.

Of course people tend to forget, that social media doesn’t mean just Facebook and Twitter. Apart from other household names like LinkedIn, Google+ or Pinterest, there are dozens of other smaller, niche websites that cater to all sorts of profiles. Finding information across all of these platforms can turn into a large investigation on its own.

Investigating social media is not only about snooping either. People tend to forget, that Facebook is first and foremost a platform for communication. As many people from the younger generations no longer even have a landline and choose not to publicly reveal their mobile number, Facebook and other social media may be an easy way of tracking them down for communication or to even serve court documents.

Being a private investigator and not knowing anything about social media is something that has become unimaginable in this day and age. While traditional methods such as surveillance are still very effective, they are considerably supplemented with comprehensive desktop investigation based on extensive social media profiling and as the next generation moves more of their life onto the internet the value of this brand of profiling is only going to increase.

Ecommerce – The Importance of Having a Privacy Policy

A privacy policy, also known as an information management policy, is an agreement between a website operator and a website user that determines how the operator intends to use, collect, store, share, and protect the data that the user shares through interactions with the website. Even a little more than a decade ago, some commercial websites did not have privacy policies, but now, virtually all websites have one. These policies, which should be separate from the website’s terms of use agreement, are a necessity for several different reasons.

The Policy Can Foster Transparency and Trust between Operators and Users

In connection with privacy policies, website users usually want to know two things: what information the website collects and how that information is used. Best business practices dictate that website operators let users know the answers to those two questions and let them know how to control that use.

Some websites inform users that they simply collect information for their own use, and other websites disclose that they provide that information to third parties under certain circumstances. eBay’s privacy policy, for instance, tells users that it does not “disclose your personal information to third parties for their marketing and advertising purposes” without the user’s explicit consent. The policy says eBay may share personal information to third parties when it is necessary to prevent fraud or use the eBay website’s core functions. The extended version of eBay’s reader-friendly policy could be improved by specifically informing users at what points of service the information is collected and how it is shared at each point.

A website should also update users whenever the privacy policy changes. It should let the users know when the new policy will go into effect, and it may allow users to agree to the changes, explicitly through a dialogue box or implicitly through continued use of the website.

The Policy Can Help Shield You from Legal Liability

Although there is no general federal law outlining privacy policy requirements for websites that collect information from adults, several state laws and minor-specific federal laws exist. For instance, the California Online Privacy Protection Act of 2003 (OPPA) requires that website privacy policies must contain certain information, including: “personally identifying information collected, the categories of parties with whom this personally identifying information may be shared, and the process for notifying users of material changes to the applicable privacy policy.” The Children’s Online Privacy Protection Act (COPPA) requires operators to maintain a privacy policy if the website is directed to children under the age of 13 or knowingly collects information from children under the age of 13.

Read for more for additional information regarding privacy policies, terms of use agreements, internet business, and eCommerce.

Darin M. Klemchuk is an intellectual property (IP) trial lawyer located in Dallas, Texas with significant experience enforcing patent, trademark, copyright, and trade secret rights. He is a founding partner of Klemchuk LLP. He was selected to be included in the Internet Lawyer Leadership Summit, a group of lawyers in the US focused on Internet law issues. He also practices commercial litigation and business law, social media law, and ecommerce and IP licensing.